You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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