I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
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