She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize