Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
