drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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