I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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