We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
