Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
