Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize