You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
