Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.

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(519): View more from Ontario

she's naming her girl london marie

(519): View more from Ontario

that kid will be born with a tramp stamp

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(817): View more from Texas

Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.

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(205): View more from Alabama

just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.

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(925): View more from California

I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.

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(913): View more from Kansas

I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.

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(314): View more from Missouri

chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"

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