I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
