In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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