I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
it's great music for shaving your balls
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
