as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
