I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
