haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
