Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
