Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
