im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize