I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
