um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
