but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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