Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
If its not for food we ain't going out.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize