so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
