I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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