I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
