I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
