And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
