i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
