i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
