i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize