Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
