Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
