I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
