GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
