I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
