Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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