fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
