They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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