Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize