How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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