This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
