It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
