he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
