It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
