shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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