Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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