I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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