can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
