Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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