you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
