Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
