I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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