You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Someone came in the potted fern
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You had me at "let me see your balls"
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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