last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
