I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
