Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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