Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
