Having a random hookup so left but love u
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
where are my eyebrows?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
