I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
it was like eating out sand paper
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
