Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
