I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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