I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
