i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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