Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
