My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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