You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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