Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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