Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
