Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
