Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
