I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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