Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
