Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
