He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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