Sry I called you an 8
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
