my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
