there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Pooping to opera.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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