I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
