Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
