Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
